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Updated 11/20/2001

AMC RELATED HUMOR
Hey, we all need to be able to laugh about our cars from time to time, if only to keep from crying! If you have a funny AMC story, joke, or picture to share, send it to me at craig@matadorcoupe.com and I'll put it here.
THE "710" CAP
A lady goes into an auto parts store and asks for a seven ten cap.

All the service guys look at each other and ask, "What's a seven ten cap?"

She said "You know, it's right on the engine? Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."

"What kind of a car is it on," they asked? Thinking maybe it's off an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said it's an AMC.

"OK lady, how big is it?"

She makes a circle with her hands about 3 inches in diameter.

"What does it do?," they asked.

She said, "I don't know, but its always been there."

One of them gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710.

The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it...and they fall down behind the counter laughing hysterically.

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Don't get it? Draw a circle, write 710 in the middle of it, and turn it upside down to read it.

Thanks to Stu Fitchett, Melbourne, Australia
off of the AMC-List

KALECO AUTOMOTIVE SUPPLY

Kaleco can supply you with a wide range of parts, tools and supplies, from blinker fluid to high flow muffler bearings. Have a look for yourself!

MORE THINGS LEARNED IN DO-IT-YOURSELF AUTO REPAIR
John read my post below and sent me this message:

Boy does that sound like my place, but you forgot a few!

  1. A trouble light when properly place under the car, will shine directly in your eyes.
  2. When crawling under the car with a hand full of wrenches, the proper size will be in the tool box.
  3. After retreiving the proper sized wrench and crawling back under the car, you will be lying on it.
  4. Allen and Torx wrenches only come in three sizes: too small, too big, and missing.
  5. If using air tools, after crawling under the car, you will discover the compressor is off or unplugged.
  6. After correctly hooking up compressor, the air tool will be set for exactly the wrong direction for intended purpose.
  7. Socket extensions hooked to the socket will fall off while correcting air tool direction leaving the socket stuck on the bolt (or nut as the case may be)
  8. And do not forget Murphy's rule of general automotive repair and gravity": Things that fall out of the car will roll to the most inaccessible location.
  9. While attempting repairs using nuts and bolts from your large collection of same stashed in a coffee can, you will have a complete collection of nuts and bolts that neither fit each other or the part intended.
  10. As far as using a torch, using one to disconnect brake line connections will cause an almost smokless flash fire. But after the fire is out, the brake line will generally come apart.
Have a nice AMC day :-)
John T Elle
johnelle@sprintmail.com
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED IN DO-IT-YOURSELF AUTO REPAIR
  • There are very few things that WD-40, a propane torch and a big hammer won't remove.
  • On a related note, rubber bushings, especially those soaked in WD-40, are highly flammable and produce an impressive amount of smoke.
  • Neighbors are apt to call the fire department when they see a prone individual lying underneath a smoking car.
  • Volunteer firemen do not appreciate being called away from their homes for false alarms. They do, however, appreciate beer and soft drinks.
  • On another related note, it is a good idea to make sure that parts and bolts are not still hot before touching them.
  • If you wash your incredibly dirty hands in the kitchen sink, the white decorative towels hanging nearby are probably not the best choice for drying them off.
  • Washing dishes is a good way to remove stubborn grease from your hands.
  • Washing dishes is also a good way to appease your spouse.
  • Do not use bath towels as shop rags.
  • Do not use shop rags as bath towels.
  • "Universal fit" describes a part that is designed to fit no application well, and only with serious modifications and swearing.
  • "Bolt-on" describes a part that will indeed bolt on after a period of head-scratching, knuckle-bashing and swearing.
  • Observing automotive repair can be an educational experience for children.
  • Your spouse and neighbors may not consider the acquisition of new swear words by children to be educational.
  • To estimate the hours it will take to complete a project, use the following formula: Number of parts X (Number of children in household/Avg. free hours per day) X Total number of vehicles owned X Number of household projects currently on hold. Divide this total by the number of years of auto repair experience.
  • The only time your hand will slip and encounter something sharp, hot, or otherwise painful is when you are not wearing your work gloves.
  • Cold weather increases the sensitivity of the pain receptors in your hand by approximately 600%.
  • Something that seems impossible at 1 a.m. will appear incredibly easy at 6 p.m. the next day.
  • Your spouse will not view oil and grease stains on the driveway as "decorative touches".
  • First aid supplies are much cheaper in bulk.
  • An adjustable wrench is a tool designed to speed the process of rounding off bolts, damaging nearby paint and removing significant amounts of skin.
  • "Lather, rinse and repeat" is not sufficient to remove axle and wheel bearing grease from your hair.
  • Any small particles falling from the underside of your car while you are lying underneath will find their way into your eyes, nose, ears or mouth regardless of precautions you may make.
(copyright Craig Bond, 2000)
HOW AN AMC 6 CYLINDER IS PLENTY TO GET YOU INTO TROUBLE
(especially if you are 16)
WATER/DITCH NOTES
  • Gravel roads can be treacherous to an inexperienced driver, and can cause a car to leave the road and enter a ditch.
  • A 258 powered 1976 Gremlin will run for a short period of time while 60 percent submerged in a ditch.
  • If you keep your foot to the floor and swear profusely, it is possible to go through windshield-high water and still emerge on the far side of the ditch, eventually returning to the road, even if you can't see where you are going.
  • Friends and family will stare in amazement at mud, weeds and other water residents plastered to the lower 2/3 of your vehicle.
  • Mud, water weeds and other water residents are a real drag to pick out of the radiator, fan shroud, engine bay, brakes, .....
MUD NOTES
  • When traveling to pick up your date, be sure you know where you are going, especially if your date lives many miles away and in a rural, isolated area.
  • Limited access roads are what they say, especially after a heavy rain.
  • It is impossible to move forward or backward in a 258 powered 1976 Gremlin when the mud is deeper than 8 inches, although it is possible to move sideways.
  • It is not necessary to use your emergency brake when parking your Gremlin in 8" mud.
  • Walking through 8" mud is very time consuming, frustrating, and messy.
  • Traffic on limited access roads is very light, especially after a heavy rain.
  • If you should eventually get a farmer to pull your vehicle out of 8" mud, be sure your emergency brake is disengaged fully.
  • When you get back on the road, expect to throw lots of mud for a very long time. Also, be sure your emergency brake is disengaged fully.
  • It is necessary to rebuild brakes that have been packed with mud and driven 100 miles with the parking brake engaged.
  • Wheel bearings do not like mud.
  • Neither do fathers, who find it somehow necessary to rebuild the brakes and repack the bearings.
  • Your date and her father will be very impressed when you pull up in a mud-covered Gremlin, with clothes to match. Unfortunately, it will not be a positive impression.
(copyright Craig Bond, 2000)
Much, much more to come. Y'all come back!

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